Back in May, I found myself with a lot of time on my hands. After two years of a high stress job (including a year of a now very familiar pandemic), I got fed up with all the burnout and the churn of endless self-care regimens. I walked away.
And like I said, I found myself with a lot of time and a need to recover myself. That sounds cheesy, but it’s a good enough description.
My old job, a high level leadership job in my chosen career, was eroding the artistic, creative and deep thinking side of my life. I had no time for creative projects. I had no energy to do much of anything, except for work and barely taking care of myself. And when I finally freed myself, there was a feeling akin to being lost or aimless. Or, even more honestly, weakness.
Anyone who’s recovered from an injury knows that physiotherapy isn’t about just one muscle group or exercise. Your body is complex and requires a bunch of different exercises and stretches to strengthen and reduce the chance of re-injury.
It’s the same for a creative practice and, to push it a little further, life in general. In the spring, I knew there was work to be done and it needed to be somewhat holistic. In the weeks after I left, I found I had a renewing ability to start creative work again, slowly. It was a lot like putting weight on a leg that had been in a cast for months.
I started exploring the dusty creative spaces around me (and inside me) that I had been neglecting. I started rebuilding old projects like Winged Beast Outfitters and trying out new ideas like Design Goes Here. I found myself making music again and began to get back into drawing and painting. It’s easy to fill a day.
But there was also a commitment to working without definite goals, relying on the work I was doing to show me a way forward. For me, this is risky business and runs against the logic in which I was raised. Not knowing where exactly I’m going in life and how I’ll do it is enough to keep me up at night. But knowing where I had been and how bad it was for me was enough to push me forward.
It’s not enough to just say: “I didn’t like my old job and it was robbing me of my life. So, I quit.” It’s a place to start, though. What comes after is harder and less clear. But, what comes after is everything. I walked out and into a time of choosing. A time of exploring and learning. The rest will come.